my anniversary...

I can still remember events that have transpired a year ago… they’re still very clear on my mind. A week before July 3rd 2005 was when I got a phone call from the embassy telling me that my passport is ready for pick up. I never expected it to be that soon but I wanted to leave as soon as possible so I could get it over with. I remember how sad I was being alone in the Philippines and wanting to leave the country so bad but after my realizations I felt deep inside me that it was there I was meant to stay. It is my home and always will be. No matter what the struggles the Philippines made me go thru, I still became strong and independent.

July 2 was when I went clubbing with my friends. It still hasn’t sinked in me that I’m leaving the next day and it seemed like a normal Saturday night out for me. I remember all my friends surrounding me and telling me they’re going to miss me but all that was in my mind was that I’m going back… All that I wanted to think about was that I’m going back…

So after my night out I woke up pretty late on July 3rd then I started packing. My friends Dana and Eya went to my place to say their goodbyes but we didn’t even cry because everybody thought or knew I was going back. Time came when I had to say goodbye to my house, my yaya and Geir. I don’t know why tears suddenly came running down my cheeks. I didn’t want to hug them nor look at them. I cannot stand seeing them cry and I cannot let them see my weakness. But for some odd reason I felt like it was going to be the last time that I will see them. I wasn’t wrong…

First few months in America are one of the saddest moments in my life. I think it’s because my heart wasn’t entirely here. My mind and my heart are what I forgot to bring with me from the Philippines. I think it’s because I was expecting to go back and I have no closures with people I left back home. I wasn’t even able to say goodbye to most of my friends. I wasn’t even able to bring things that meant a lot to me. My whole 18 years of life is what I have left behind…

It’s a funny coincidence that my first day in America right after the airport I saw the Santa Monica Beach and I fell in love with it quickly so I went there on my first day and today that I celebrate my first year here I only realized it when I was at Santa Monica Beach again when my stepmum reminded me about it.

Now that I mark down my first year in America, I look back on memories that have made me who I am today. I know that a lot of things have changed me and I know that I am a better person now because of my past. I do not regret being here anymore. What I regret is failing to look at things in a brighter side. I mean this is a blessing in disguise and it has taught me a lot of things. God gave me the opportunity to start anew… to start things right… to have a new life and not everybody gets the chance to do something like that. I know that this is just another of God’s tests and I just had to overcome it to be stronger and to have more faith and trust in Him. I have now accepted that this is my home but it doesn’t mean I have forgotten the place where I came from. I will never forget the Philippines but I refuse to live on my past. I love the Philippines that will never change and I will be forever thankful to my country for making me who I am. I will forever be thankful to all my friends whom I have shared my good times and the bad. I will forever be thankful to God for letting me experience what it’s like to grow up in Pinas… what it’s like to be a Filipino…