frustrations

There are times when I feel like I’m being held up by my dad so tight in the neck and I kind of wish I was still in the Philippines where nobody cared what I did or sometimes I wish I chose to stay with my mum instead because she doesn’t really mind me. I don’t know I know I’m the type of person that would get over this feeling quickly but I also know that whenever I would feel it again I get so mad and frustrated not only to myself but to my dad or my family. I don’t know I just hate days like this when I feel down.

I am kind of conscious of myself when I’m with new people or like I am not like what or who I used to be. In my opinion I was a carefree type of person when I was back in the Philippines where nothing really mattered and I don’t care about the way I act because I need not to please people around me. I don’t know. I don’t want to think like I lost a big part of me and who I used to be because I still am who I am and whatever I went thru or how I was before is still me but then it kind of feels that way. It’s like sometimes when I look to the mirror I don’t see the same person. I don’t have the same energy as I used to have before. Is it because I’m not used to being around new people here or because I choose to be this way? I don’t know. I feel like I just can’t move I mean I feel tied up I don’t know why but in a way I don’t feel free. I don’t want to think I’m caught up with memories from back home because for me it’s just not right… Just not…

I don’t know if I get too silent sometimes… I don’t know if I just have nothing to say… I don’t know about other people’s feelings towards me… I honestly don’t. All I know is that I wasn’t like this but I don’t know what changed me…

I just remembered teej’s quote that happiness is a choice… We are free to choose therefore if I feel so down right now I have chosen to be this way and not be happy. Now I’m like thinking that if I choose to see guys being all the same then I choose not to fall in love again… Right?

I think I just miss life being so easy or everything so easy for me back home. Taking a cab to go clubbing or even the bus to go to the beach and not worrying about school that much. Nobody even worries about work. I mean I wish life wasn’t that complicated here… It just gets sad sometimes…