my classmates: rhentz, erin then me :-) 

my life or something like it...

I’m caught up with thoughts if not much has been happening with my life or if I come to think of it there’s quite a lot and I still don’t know what to choose. I think this week I’ve had like one of the hardest exams I have ever taken in my whole life and that is the circulatory system (I think…It’s the system that has something to do with the heart and it pumping the blood) and respiratory system (which was not so bad). I think I just had a hard time with how the heart works because it just confused me big time! When I got my test paper I was just like SH*T I don’t remember anything not even what capillaries, veins or all the blood vessels. I just literally went BLANK! I don’t know if I should address it as a brain blackout or mental block because I don’t really believe that there’s such a thing as getting mental blocked.
I still passed though I got the lowest score I have ever gotten on my test in my current school which is 80%. Now I’m like thinking I should never go down 80%. I mean I just think I’m cutting myself some slack because I have been passing and I’m just being too comfortable and easy going and I shouldn’t really be acting that way that’s why I get nervous because deep inside me I know I’m not that ready to take my test.

I learned this quote from my teacher this week though and it meant a lot to me--- “to thyself be true”, It’s by Shakespeare and it just struck me I haven’t really been true to myself (that’s my opinion). I don’t want to elaborate because I don’t think I’m that ready to talk about it, to myself or to other people.

Anyways one of the important event that has transpired this week was me being able to talk to Teban… I know my closest of friends would react to this but yeah it was important to me being able to talk to him and just knowing he’s fine and doing well. It made me in a way feel happy because I’m happy for someone else, feel at peace knowing he’s doing good and be happy for myself because I am happy for him and because he’s not mad at me (well I think he’s not) and because I’m not holding any grudges against him or the person he’s with right now. So I’m just really happy.

I was also able to talk to Eya, Dana’s girlfriend, even though we didn’t really that long because it was just so hard to like contact both of them so I called Tebs instead. I was able to say hi and let them know I miss them. So that made my day as well.

Back to my topic of interest last week regarding meeting somebody from the internet, I liked how Erin, my classmate, said that it’s in a way not that good of an idea because you make up an idea in your head of the other person but get disappointed if it doesn’t turn out the way you were expecting it to be. Both of us didn’t have anything against it but still we had doubts about the whole idea.

I just wish one could just see straight into the person what his or her intentions are or if the person is real or not but yeah one couldn’t really do so. I just wish though…

I’ll just leave with a quote that would apply to partly what I felt when I talked to Teban… “The course of true love never did run smooth”…

 

take me to paradise...

Do you happen to know where paradise is?
A place where I can wander and feel at peace…
Where I can be me and smile all day long…
Just listening to the wind, singing my songs…

Do you happen to know where paradise is?
Where I’ll find serenity, it’s where I’ll find my bliss.
Where money is worthless and beauty is everywhere…
You’d definitely be in awe of its grandeur; you would definitely just stare….

Show me where it is, show me all the ways.
It is where my heart needs to stay.
Is it only a dream making it an unreachable star?
Ill do anything to get there no matter how far…

not all strangers are beautiful...

I don’t think I have anything against meeting strangers or people that I really don’t know very well or not that acquainted to… but it doesn’t mean I have a penchant for doing so. In my opinion, one will never know when, where or how you meet the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with or even be the bestest of friends and that means I shouldn’t be against meeting or getting to know somebody one meets across the street, in a café or even in the internet because like what I said one will never know…
Do I or have I ever gotten to know somebody I’m really not acquainted to? Yes I have. I just think it’s the same thing from getting to know somebody from a friend’s birthday party or a family reunion just that you have whatever degree of separation between you and the person and I believe it makes one feel safer to get to know the other party.
Does thoughts of even being romantically inclined with somebody I just met or gotten to know better get to my head? No, not really. I mean I don’t really think I could give myself to another person right now because I’m not that ready yet, I don’t completely trust somebody I don’t know even though I agree with getting to know them better, and I don’t want to get hurt.
What makes me sad is that lately I’ve gotten to know this person the past few weeks but I’ve had a feeling of uncertainty though I tried to rub it off, still it won’t go away. I believe it was instinct that was telling me inside that friendship is all I want though his behaviors contradicts meaning it was more than “being friends” is what he really wanted. I did tell him about this (I actually tried explaining and having a conversation with the person) but at the end of it all he ended up being the biggest asshole I ever met in my whole entire life. I am not exaggerating. I actually felt bad because I sincerely liked the friendship and I still wanted to stay friends but I guess the person I have gotten to know better didn’t really exist. What do I mean by this? It was all an act. A thick façade or covering or layer I would say to just impress and hide imperfections that you don’t want people to see or find out about. I don’t want to lie anymore and give false hopes that’s why I just told him straight what I felt and what I thought would be better for both of us and I can’t do anything about it anymore if he couldn’t accept it. (It’s kind of funny how he gave me a birthday gift – a perfume - and now wants it back or at least his $40 back and I’m like I never asked for a birthday gift or anything material from him anyways. I’m like you can shove it up all on your arse because I don’t need it and I don’t run out of perfumes and it shows how low you can go down just for the sake of revenge or having your freaking $40 back and it’s not even a big amount of money. I didn’t even wanted it but I was just being respectful to him that’s why I didn’t even bother opening it in front of him because I don’t want having to owe somebody something so I don’t want to owe him anything just because he gave me a freaking birthday gift. I never even asked to go out with him he was always the one asking me out. I don’t mean to brag about this or end up being the one acting all bitchy but I’m just telling the truth. I never asked anything from him so I don’t owe him anything. Nothing at all. My friend just told me he was acting that way because he was pissed about the whole situation and because he’s a Caucasian but first of all- It doesn’t give him the right to disrespect me in any way nor judge me because I never judged him and I never gave him false hopes, second- I never asked anything from him… never, third- I am hoping that the way he acted doesn’t have anything to do with color but in my opinion it doesn’t, even though I don’t know a lot of Caucasians, because the way a person acts doesn’t only evolve around one’s skin color but how one was taught to by his or her parents, environment, school and other factors that may affect his or her character and personality.)
This kind of makes me a little scared to let people get to know me better or letting them be a part of my life. People I just met that is. I mean it’s just awesome that maybe one time you will see somebody in the street and end up with him or her or be friends with him or her or something in that kind but for me it’s quite different now. I mean I’m just scared. I’ve always been picky with my friends and people I surround myself with because I don’t want to waste my time sharing a part of myself to another person just to having my relationship (may it be a comradeship or romantic relationship) fail at the end of it all. It can be fighting with my bestfriend and forgetting the friendship ever existed or breaking up with my boyfriend of years and never communicating again just to waste all the years of being together and sharing a special relationship with each other. I don’t want to have a reason to put myself down. It’s my choice to have friends that I will cherish from now till the end of my life.
Meeting a stranger isn’t all that bad just because this occurred to me. I just think people should be extra cautious when getting to know people they don’t know very well or not know at all. It is ironic how you’ll never know when that person could be the one you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life or be your bestfriend but you’ll never know if the person is also dangerous. How ironic.
This won’t let me down. It’s just another proof that we really should get to know people we become friends with or partners with and never trust a stranger completely. I don’t think I’m ready to let my guards down anyways. I’m just wondering (not looking forward to) when the knockout punch will be… funny…
One more incident I’ve been thinking about is that I emailed this person I used to have a long term relationship with telling him I hope we can be friends in the future because I felt like I don’t want to feel any grudges against him or anyone I know anymore so even though I’m not ready right now to be friends with him I just told him that maybe in the near future we could be. I hope it works out for the both of us and he hasn’t replied yet but I’m not waiting. I’m just happy with being sorry and getting over the bitterness and sadness because if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be as strong as I am right now. I wouldn’t even be who I am right now if it wasn’t for him and the experiences I have gone thru.
Things can only get better… Oh… Me and my never ending thoughts… :-)

me and my wandering mind... 

somebody save me

while sitting alone at a party, i thought to myself... why do people have to fall in love just to fall out of it after? you love then you lose and you get hurt... is it worth the risks and the pain? i think so but i also think that it gets to you... i don't want to hurt anymore.

so i just wandered into the nothingness of my ideas.

getting better

i am still mentally tired from my test today and yesterday even though i got to take a nap... i did better today by getting a 95% in my exam. i really was surprised because i wanted to take it tomorrow coz i didn't study about it but i passed. i was like in awe and shocked but happy. :-)

even though i complain a lot about having to read a lot of books and ingesting too much information on my head or brain, it's all good and it's all worth it. i have a new way to think positive about it and it's to think at all times that i should act like sponge and just absorb all the information and knowledge rather than fighting with it. knowledge is power. :-)

i plan to sleep like 8 pm and wake up 12 am to study because tomorrow will be crucial. i'll be taking my long test tomorrow and i get like mentally blocked just because i'm all tense and nervous.

wish me luck!

my hardwork really pays off. i got 84% from my quiz today and i'm hoping i'll be getting a higher grade tomorrow if i study twice as hard. i am so happy.

a little discontent was what i felt when i found out about my grade but i'll just do better because i hate competing with other people, i only compete with myself... i think people should compete with themselves so we forget about crabmentality.

life is good and i need my nap like right now.

sleepless in l.a.

I feel so exhausted. I can’t figure out why no matter how hard I try to ingest information into my brain it just doesn’t work out. I cannot understand what I am reading, what I have been reading for days.

I feel vulnerable. It’s like I can’t find a reason to be strong, a person or a belief or whatever it is I could hold on to just to make me stronger. It’s like my only refuge is myself.

I’m still sick but I am drinking my coffee, getting stressed out and smoking my cigarettes which I really shouldn’t be doing. I have to prepare for school tomorrow… again. This time is different though because were going to be have our first test, like seriously. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I scared? Yes. Am I cramming? Definitely. I can’t understand what I’m trying to learn that’s why I’m a mess.

Right now a song keeps playing on my head- “perfect”- and it goes like what if the world were a little more perfect? Blah blah blah… It makes me wonder…

My brain is just drained up right now. It’s like full of air. I have no idea why.

I have been thinking negative thoughts since last week because I’ve been hearing other people’s experiences in regards to nursing and it’s not that good. It’s just making me nervous and scared and weak. I know I should think always of mind over matter but I’m just scared to fail. There’s too much to lose and a lot of risk involved too. Negative thoughts become self-fulfilling prophecies.

I’ll try to put these words in mind… “If you think success, you will become successful. Know that you will become successful and you will be…”

It’s another sleepless night for me.

have you's

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?Saying something and wishing you hadn't?
or-
Saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardestthings to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have u ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own.... when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

yeah yeah i know my hair is messy!!! it's windy okay!!! i love the sights and the area of this island... 

family pic: mommy arlene,tita lotte,daddy and me 

 

dinner... i love the lights at huntington! 

funny picha! i look weird! hahaha! 

by the bay area with dad and stepmum 

dinner with dad and stepmum 

contemplating whether i'm going swimming or not... 

 

blah blah blah

There are a lot of times I tend to just look up the sky or stare at a blank wall and just think. I am the type of person that would be likely to make things or situations complicated or in short I would say dramatic (it sounds so bad though). I do think too much. I think of everything and it messes me up even my sleeping habits. If I could just buy a vitamin or an anti oxidant that would help me be in peace or just help me clear out my brain I definitely would buy it. By thinking too much I do waste my time and my energy. It doesn’t solve anything; it doesn’t even help solve anything.

I don’t think I am not over the fact that I’m not going back to the Philippines it’s just that there are those times wherein I can’t help but compare my situation here and when I was back home. I guess I just miss what I’m accustomed to. I miss the place where I grew up and spent my whole life in.

I still can’t be strict to myself and I hate it. I can’t implement my own rules. I get the lazy feeling whenever I try to stand up in the morning. I have become a procrastinator and I really wasn’t like this before. I already get lazy by thinking that I need to read my books. I’m putting too much slack and I need to stop this soon.

I feel worst because of thinking too much and being super sick right now.

It’s funny that I feel like all I’m writing are just random thoughts and it’s driving me nuts because my brain is just blank, dry and not working.

I did a stupid thing too by checking the profile of my ex boyfriend’s girlfriend. Why do I think it’s stupid? I don’t feel anything for the person anymore, I don’t hold any grudge towards him or the girl, I’m not jealous in any way but still it’s stupid because I don’t want to judge her or him. I mean I am happy that he’s finally happy and I knew it wasn’t going to work out anyways. It’s better for both of us that we let each other go coz I’m happier now. It made me a better person.

I also figured that i'm really not the type of person that can keep heartaches inside or even grudges inside me, i tend to forget too.

I'm not happy with the way things are working out for me right now but I have to live and deal with it.

I love seeing people around me walk, hold hands and kiss because by that I know that even though it doesn't work out for me, it works out for other people... Love that is.

Enough with my arbitrary out of nowhere thoughts flying round my head and my brain.

Still… I feel uber sick like I just want to sleep it off so I can get over with it.

It surprises me that the last time I wrote on my blog was last week and I didn’t even notice. I’m getting pretty busy with school and I’m not even sure if I can handle the stress that will come my way.
Basically what I do when I’m not in school, I’ll be home studying or taking the time off to nap. I can’t even imagine anymore how I’m going to be able to absorb all the information I read from my books. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I never thought it would be this hard.

I went on a trip to the beach with my dad, stepmum, uncle and aunt. I didn’t really want to go but I felt like I deserve some rest and peace and I needed a quiet place to read my books while drinking my coffee or tea. I know it’s supposed to be a break or a vacation but I needed to read my books. I’m not even cramming because I still have Friday-Wednesday to study but still I feel like I’m running out of time real fast. I can’t keep up with the pace. It’s like no matter how hard I try to study and read my book over and over again it just doesn’t register in my head. I know what I’m trying to study right now is not what and who I really want to be so it doesn’t really interest me that much but I’m no doing this for myself, I’m doing it for my family because I want them to have a better life. I want to do everything, whatever it takes, to give them a better life.

RANDOM THOUGHTS:

I feel like a dork now reading my books in the café or even carrying them because they’re huge like I had no idea my books would be that thick.

I did enjoy the vacation even though half the time I had to study.

There was this moment yesterday at church where I saw a happy couple sitting down with their kids and I thought to myself, how can one find the right person to be with and spend the rest of your life with? Just a random thought but it scares me in a way.

I feel like I have not much to say but I am busy with a lot of things. It just feels like my words are dry. It’s just hard to explain.

random thoughts (probably silly ones too)

i am so tired. i just got home from work and it's like 2:15 am already... i did miss work specially the overtimes and they pay you more too. i had fun coz i missed my co workers but yeah still it was kind of stressful. well i want to get used to the word "stress" anyways because regular school will be starting this thursday... i just got my books last week too, i think my birthday... super thick books you have no idea (well think about this... it's thicker than the webster's dictionary hardbound how bout that...)

i feel hungry but i'm too tired to fix myself a late night dinner so i'd stick with pudding, mango con chile, milk and water.

i want to try to apply for another job but i'm still thinking about it...

why do i feel like my brain and my mind is literally drained from all the work i did today... ayayay.

i'm left with a backache and a brain that couldn't think of things to say so i should probably go to bed...

the people that i love! my stepmum and dad... they definitely made this birthday one of the most memorable and one of the best too... even in their own simple ways... 

my second birthday piece a cake! i know i can't have the whole cake and eat it all... fine then i'll gobble up on this piece! it's pretty good cake! yummey! 

shawty!!! birthday girl!!! (trying so hard to pose but deep inside she's freezing!!!) 

my ice cream cake!!! the closest i'll ever be to the taste of red ribbon's black forest...  

simple message but it means a lot to me! like a LOT! 

a friendship that can never be replaced... never forgotten... no matter the distance no matter the time... we'll definitely make it thru dude! 

eyagrrr,danana,abril :-) 

Lunch break with Vivian eating california rolls in my ride!!! 

Starting my day with Bob Marley as my driving music!!!  

love+peace+happiness

I couldn’t ask for more on my birthday. I’ve got all I want and need in my life. I spent my birthday with my stepmum and father and we had a simple dinner and we visited the church to pray. I just prayed for strength for my family that we may stay strong at all times and that we’ll support each other end be each other’s backbone and I prayed for a brother or a sister because I know it will make my stepmum and father happy. I don’t ask for anything but my family’s happiness.

My day started pretty early because of school and I played Bob Marley’s Redemption Song the whole morning and on my way back home I played Alanis Morisette’s songs and sang too… People driving were looking at me but I’m like so what it’s my birthday!!! I deserve to sing… I am trying so hard to justify hahaha.

I went thru a major headache and tummy ache today too! I slept late like 3 a.m. studying so I lacked sleep then when I got to my class we were suddenly given exams and counting my papers right now we were given 22!!! Yes… 22 exams!
Tummy ache because I think I’m not used to eating breakfast especially heavy breakfast… ayayay…

When I got home I was so happy to find out they got me ice cream cake!!! Yippee!!! There I go again being so innocent and shallow! But I am! In a way that I appreciate things whether they’re expensive, cheap or maybe just thoughts or sweet nothings…

I rested for a while because I really wasn’t feeling well then waited till dinner time…

After dinner i had coffee...

I figured I would be stressed out to type the whole thing that occurred today or I might miss some detail so I just decided to post some photos to have visual ideas of what I’m talking about…

This is a birthday to remember because it’s one of the few special moments I get to share with my family… We weren’t really the type that celebrates before in the Philippines or take opportunity to be with each other so I’m used to spending it alone or with Dana… but now I really appreciate what my stepmum and father does for me… everything they do for me…

I miss Dana though… I don’t have some of our photos because my computer isn’t assembled but I took a photo from my camera phone… We spent every special occasion together (literally!!!) and I will always be thankful for her… for her company… for her friendship that she offered to me… for being relatives… for sharing her family with me… for accepting me and loving me for the real me… not because I look good or because I have money but just because she knows my deepest secrets, my insecurities, my weaknesses, my bad habits, my mistakes and the list goes on but still loves me… with all her heart… I know she loves me unconditionally… I miss you Dana Banana Mande-I mean Mandela… Miss Eya Fufi Grrrrr too!!!

I’m thankful for everything I have. I am thankful I don’t have everything I want because it makes me focus and have a goal and strive to be a better person. It makes me a simple person. It makes me a grounded person. I know God has a reason for everything and I believe he wants the best for each one of us…

I need to rest now because I have school tomorrow… I still feel sick but my heart is happy! Really happy…

GO SHAWTY!!! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!

Another year added to my 18 years of life spent on earth… I officially turned 19 a few minutes ago and to celebrate my birthday I decided to treat myself with a glass of vodka mixed with coke and little cherry syrup and to top it off, a cherry. I gulped the whole thing but left the cherry on the glass. The reason behind it is drinking the mixed vodka straight as a representation of accepting and looking forward to what the future holds for me… No slowing down or stopping but just living life to the fullest and living it using all my strengths and capabilities. Another reason for choosing vodka was because it wasn’t all sweet but a mix of sweetness and the taste I can’t really explain but it’s a taste I don’t really like that much so it symbolizes my acceptance for my future may it be good or bad. It can’t be all perfect and smooth sailing for me right. I left the cherry and threw it as far as I could because I was leaving the past behind. It doesn’t mean I’m forgetting where I came from or I don’t want to look back… not at all. It just means that I’m thankful for my past because I have learned priceless experiences and gained unforgettable memories but I want to throw away regrets or thoughts of what if’s and maybe’s. I don’t want to loathe on things I wished I did better at or I wished I did this and that. Past is past and being sorry, feeling bad or thinking about what if’s and maybe’s aren’t going to make things better or turn back time.
While doing this I was playing “Collide” by Howie Day on my PSP. I’ve heard it from my ex boyfriend before, I mean I wasn’t playing it to remind me of him. I was playing it because I liked this line that says – Even the best fall down sometimes, Even the wrong words seem to rhyme, Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow find you and I collide… I’m not pertaining to anybody special or romantically inclined with me but I think it just reminds me of my relationship with people I care about or love such as my family or my faith. No matter what bumps in the road we go thru I know for sure that we will always collide (I see it in a way meaning not crash but we collide to each other making each a better person and adding to the completeness of each other). I know that whatever mistake I make they will still love me and accept me for who I really am, for just simply being me.

I felt real good this afternoon of April 5th because this pastor we know visited here then we gathered in a circle (My Dad, Stepmum, Me, Lola and Larry-the pastor) and we all prayed together and it was a real good prayer initiated by Larry. The type of prayer that really hits you in the heart and is really sincere.

People who read my blog would probably think of my birthday plans… I have no plans meaning I don’t plan to party or arrange one. I’ll go to school early around 7:30 a.m. then rest when I get home. Hopefully get to visit church tomorrow to pray and give thanks then have dinner with my father and stepmum. That’s it! Not the usual thing I would do if I was in the Philippines but it’s about time I spend my birthday with people who really loves me and never really left me, my family and my faith…

I’m still thinking about things I should accomplish this year, what I need to learn, what I should change about me and new things to get busy with but I’ll probably figure things out tomorrow, I mean later, because I still need to review for my exams later…

Things can only get better… That I’m sure of…

my inclination with the stars

Quickie:You can bring about true change today. Use your voice to make a real difference.

Overview:An extra jolt of energy juices up your personal ambitions, and you're unstoppable when it comes to career goals. Direct some of that vim and vigor to outside creative projects and you'll see great results.

Daily Singles:It's a great time to meet someone new at a party or some other big social engagement. You can do especially well if you're part of a group yourself, so try to get your friends to join you.

This morning could find you a bit sluggish and less than optimally productive, but by this afternoon, you're ready to take on the world. Watch for a truly innovative idea to strike at just the right moment.

YEAR OF THE RABBIT:During this day you'll have the best chances of bringing your activities to a successful conclusion, especially those concerning your career. With your close ones, you'll also use your increased magnetism, and things will run like clockwork. You'll be able to profit by kindness and useful support coming from people of the opposite sex; don't deprive yourself of them. No big health problems to be feared, but your vitality may undergo a slight decline; it'll be necessary to avoid alcoholic drinks and to take a little more rest.

Rabbit Overview
Provided by Astrology.com

Seeing you so full of high spirits and optimism, one would like to ask you lessons for your joy of living! You'll have a marvelous attitude most of the time in the course of this year. More sociable than ever, you'll be at ease everywhere. You'll know how to cheer up a rather dull evening party as well as communicate your enthusiasm to your work team. The stars promise you very easy contacts and alliances that you'll appreciate above all. However, sometimes in the course of the year, you'll allow yourself to be unstable. You'll then lack strictness as well as patience, and you'll be inclined to drop certain projects that cannot be achieved as quickly as you would wish. But if you remember that 'he who moved the mountain is he who had begun with taking away small stones' (Chinese proverb), then you'd be more prone to perseverance.

Rabbit Romantic
Provided by Astrology.com

First quarter
With the star Moc Duc in your sign, your love affairs will be delicious. You'll experience moments of intense passion, but with the risk of being yourself more demanding than usual. Your mate would be well advised to be up to the task by making use of much imagination and panache. If you accept your beloved one as they are, your understanding with them will be perfect. However, tensions are possible. If you're on the lookout for the soul mate, you'll have excellent chances to meet them.

Second quarter
This astral environment might somewhat complicate your life. This will be the case with couples whose mutual understanding has left something to be desired for some time. Your mate won't want to make concessions any longer, and they may even drive you into a corner. The star Thien Rieu will prove rather unfavorable to certain single natives of the sign. Indeed, under his influence, you may suddenly become incredibly demanding. Wanting to meet a demigod or a top model is certainly not the best way to find a mate!

Third quarter
On account of this aspect of the planet Hong Loan, there exist two solutions for couples. If you're living a strong and harmonious relationship, the planet will help you to deepen your involvement and even to pursue common projects. If your couple is shaky, then this period may be rather delicate; for some of you, a breaking off seems possible. Single natives of the sign may also be affected by these influences: Indeed, an important encounter is in the offing for most of you.

Fourth quarter
Some tensions are possible in your sentimental life. This aspect of the star Van Xuong may render your mate nervous or aggressive. And since you won't be inclined to let yourself be pushed around, a conflict may rapidly arise. As for single natives of the sign, this period may be marked with a troubling encounter. Beware not to develop a passion for someone who's indifferent to you.

random thoughts... 

on a poignant gloomy night...

When does all of this end?
Will the pain ever go away?
My tears keep running down my cheeks
As I try to forget about yesterday…

What does my future hold for me?
Would I always wait in vain?
My mind and my heart has been shattered to pieces
Taking all risks with thoughts that it’s worth the pain…

I want to live freely
I want to know how it feels to fly
I want to be harder than a stone
I never want to hear goodbyes…

sleepless nights, movie marathons and popcorn for dinner...

As usual i slept around 4 am last night and no matter how hard i tried to convince myself not to think about things... the more i did the thinking... so i decided to keep myself busy and watch a movie instead... a movie was just starting to show it was "United Stated of Leland" and the cast are kevin spacey, ryan grosling, jena malone, chris klein and the wife of heathe ledger, the one from dawson's creek so i thought to myself that they have a list of good cast so might as well watch it than waste time staring on a blank wall...

i was surprised how interesting the movie turned out to be... it was just a very good movie in my opinion... i loved it...

the character played by ryan gosling (leland fritzgerald) was so awesome... i was just left speechless... i just remember like he wrote what he was feeling in his book given by his teacher in prison and at the end when he dies his teacher reads it... i remember like a part saying that people see or do the bad so they can see the good after everything... i was just left in awe...

anyways don't really have much to say... i still feel weird but a little anxious and i am really hungry... i just wish i can sleep early and wake up early too...

sorry by maria mena

Vague sound of rain
pierces through my song again
but I get distracted by the way his toes move when he plays
so I let it burn

I just poured my heart out
there's bits of it on the floor
And I take what's left of it and rinse it under cold water
And call him up for more

And I say baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too
He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
so sorry

He grabs my wrists
as my fingers turn into angry fists
and I wisper why can't you love me, I'll change for you
I'll play the part

And I say baby, so I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too

He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
I am sorry...

some ad i did years ago... :-)

this came from a broschure in the philippines that was given to me. i was laughing hard at it. i mean i always laugh at myself when i see my face on magazines, paper bags or photos. i just look like a funny weird crazy young mestiza girl... i think i was 17 when this was taken...

graduation photo 

graduation photo

i was just able to get my graduation photo just last week. i laughed so hard coz i look real young but it didn't matter to me. it was like a symbol for my hard work at chung hua. that school gave me a hard time. i mean i would never have imagined it would be that hard to study there but then they taught me to persevere and work harder... it was all worth it...